Boredom rears its ugly head

Ugh..I stay so bored. Since about 45 it has gotten worse and worse. I feel like I am not doing my life's work, what God would have me do, right now. I start things and get sidetracked, have little-to-no interest in some of the things I used to love-can't stay focused when I am reading, or watching TV, for that matter, much of the time. I am bored silly. It's not so much that I don't enjoy these things anymore, it is just that I don't find them as satisfying as I used to, and they don't fill the empty places that used to be contented.

While I do have things I do accomplish on a regular basis, they are mundane, and just drive me to distraction. The other day I think it took me, for whatever reasons, about 5 times before the dish washing was completed. I get my 'chores' done, but they don't get done with the same urgency they used to in the past.
I see things that I used to stay on top of on a weekly basis- and some of them have not been done in months. And the sad part is- I JUST DON'T CARE.

For example - yesterday I removed the summer decorations, and I know full well it would only take a bit over half an hour to put them away, put out the fall decorations, and put it all where it goes. But....alas, it is still not done. I even started doing a bit more on it today. I know that I will get it done, but it is just not on my "urgency radar" to complete. Something like that drives me nuts...but I seem to have no control over it currently. That drives me nuts, too.

I think much of it is that I devoted so many of my adult years to my kids, family, etc., and now I don't have them to focus on nearly as much as I used to. I find that I somehow got lost in the shuffle of life. I did not take time, or have money, to focus on what I wanted, but on other people's needs, and now I am at a loss, most of the time, with what to do with myself. It is very annoying. I feel unappreciated for my efforts, and basically lonely much of the time. It is an awful thing to feel so lonely in a room full of people- and worse when it is with the people you have devoted half of your life to.

I hope to find a new job by next fall, and I pray to the good Lord that it will be something that challenges me, makes use of my organizational skills, and creativity, and brings in enough money to take away some of the stress in our home. That has been yet another challenge this past two years, or more, but especially the past two. I need more adult interaction.

So today I am having an annoying day, though I have an attitude of gratitude, I am letting the little things bug me...ugh. Tomorrow has to be better, right? Okay, pity party time is over. Have to go fold towels, and take care of lunches.

My apologies for such a Debbie Downer post today, but sometimes it is what it is. :)